shaking my confidence, driving me crazy

In the last few years my general trust in people has been totally shaken, partly for practical reasons (Minnesota Nice doesn't work everywhere), partly for 'people are crappy' reasons. Turns out I'm not a very good judge of character...

But against my better judgement, I can't help but truly believe that the vast majority of people are intrinsically good. So it's only fair for me to give everyone a chance to prove themselves. And if this means I get followed around all night by scary Mafia men, well then I guess, so be it. I just enjoy being nice to people. I enjoy taking them by surprise with pleasantness. Not that I'm a stepford wife or anything, but I think most people have become so crabby in their everyday life that seeing seemingly random and uninspired cheerfulness is truly shocking. It's unfortunate when that is sometimes misinterpretted, and I have learned some lessons the hard way. But at the end of the day I'd still rather be nice to everyone and have it occasionally backfire than have to wear my bitchitude face constantly. That's no way to go through life.

Most people are inherently good, and therefore deserve to be treated with politeness and respect. Why can't more people get this? It's not a difficult concept... People that go out of their way to hurt others... I will just never understand. Perhaps in the same way I will never understand violent video games. Why is that fun? But that's another story.

I guess the point is, that no matter how many people knock me down, I still vow to get up with style and grace, flash a stranger a smile, compliment my neighbor's shoes and overtip my server.

I still believe people of gentleness and faith can change the world one unseen, unsung, unrewarded kindness at a time and nothing in this world can make me stop.

every day like the one before...

I need a new job... Desperately.

Luckily I'm doing a fairly decent job of shaking things up on the weekends- special thanks to all those who are so good at entertaining me- but my weeks could use a little pizzaz...

Wake up... check my email... job search... (surf the web)... work out... job search... (play on facebook)... harass people by phone...

It's pretty hectic, really. ;)

So I guess I better get my nose back to the figurative grindstone and finish this never-ending profile I've been working on. Another interview tomorrow- wish me luck!

so here we stand, unafraid of the future

So wow. It's been a long time. But for a random moment, the first in ages, I'm feeling bloggy.

I was google-stalking myself today, everyone does that occasionally to see what kind of random stuff comes up, right? Cause you know that someone, somewhere else is going to google-stalk you- perhaps there is some content editing that needs to happen. Luckily for me, I think I'm pretty safe for the time being. Wasn't always true, thanks to a few fellow bloggers who liked to write about my less admirable, albeit funny, moments in life. But my search did bring up several old blogs, from 04, 05, and I took a little walk down memory lane.

On my stroll I stumbled across my personal mission statement, which I wrote in 05 while living in Florida. When I wrote it, I intended for it to be something that I would check in with periodically to keep myself on track. It's been longer than I intended, but this hit really close to home right now. For the first time since college graduation I am really at a point in my life where I am starting over, a clean slate, a new beginning. This is incredibly scary, and totally exhilarating! I can not wait to begin- even though right now I am at a quasi-standstill while I job hunt. Everything is sort of on hold- I can't apartment hunt, buy a car, apply to grad school... which is all frustrating, because I can't wait to start my new journey... but I am really enjoying this time off as well. A brief pause to regroup, get myself back on my feet and reconnect with those nearest and dearest who I have been away from (physically and mentally) for far too long. I love being able to say 'Absolutely!' when my best friend calls me up on Thursday night with a random, hair brained plan for the entire weekend. I love being able to give my grandpa my entire day and full attention when he has to spend all day at the hospital for random things. I love being able to rescue my sister from yet another prom dress emergency (yes, there are many). In short, I love being home right now. I don't know if I'll be able to stay long term, it all depends on the job opportunities, but I'd definitely like to. I've forgotten how great it can feel to just be surrounded by wonderful people, and not only to have the people that you love there for you when you need them, but to be there for them. That's what I really love. Whether it's a quarter-century birthday bash or furniture shopping for a new dining room table. It's the small stuff that makes life sweet.

So on the note of new beginnings, starting over, and giving yourself a good swift kick in the arse, here is my personal mission statement, once again:

Personal: I will make time to take care of myself, mind, body and spirit. I will not hold in my emotions, and learn to face situations head on, with no fear. I will not let my self-worth be determined by anyone other than myself. I will take care of my own health so that I may live a long and productive life. I will make time to foster my spiritual health, deciding on an outlet for doing so and making a regular commitment.

Family/Friends: I will reach out to those who aren't able. I will make the time to communicate with my friends and family and help if needed. I will set an example with my actions making all who love me proud of me. I will raise a family that I can be proud of, with a strength of character and moral conviction and the passion to follow their dreams.

Professional: I will pursue my passion with relentless determination. I will gain the skills that I need to start my own non-profit organization that helps others realize and achieve their potential. My energy will inspire those with whom I work, my compassion help me connect with them, and my strength of character will set an example to follow. Each day I will actively contribute to world harmony.

***

This is so what I needed to stumble across right now. There are a few notes in there that I haven't touched in the 2+ years since this was written. I'm going to need to jump on that. And a few points that I haven't definitely let slip to the wayside. No time like the present to start a new life chapter.

So here's to new beginnings. To being bold enough to own up to your past and learn from it to brighten your future. To living life to the fullest, every second of every day, and never looking back.

Tomorrow's actions from the mission: professional. Passion pursuance baby. I've got what could possibly be a pretty sweet interview. Time will tell. I obviously need to do the world harmony contribution as well. I'm sure I'll think of something. Today's world harmony contribution? Ummm... I got a soy latte at starbucks and also tipped the barista extra. There we go, animal friendly and made someone smile- always good for world harmony!