Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Now she's 24 and ready to begin

I've always been more considerate of the year gone by when my birthday rolls around rather than New Years. Perhaps because it seems more personal.

Anyway, I'm 24 today and frankly, I don't quite know what to think. The usual feelings about how I'm in a totally different place than I thought I'd be in at this age, or how old I'm getting, etc are totally absent. In its place I have a rather odd feeling of complacency. And I'm not really sure what this means.

Maybe it's because I am comfortable with where I am in life. Or maybe I'm so lackadaisical that I stopped caring? Or perhaps I'm at such a total loss of what to think about the future, my mind is empty. Not sure.

I do know that my 24th year on earth will be dedicated to figuring me out- something that I have not spent enough time focusing on.

I have spent a good deal of time focusing on other 'me' things. I have goals and plans, I think I have a good grasp of what's important to me, I even have a personal mission statement. But that's not what I'm talking about. Figuring 'me' out means dissecting the things that don't keep me up at night. Those things that aren't everyday tangible decisions- practical choices for the future. The things that are just easier to sweep under the rug but, in the end of the day, affect every aspect of your life.

24 will be the year I figure out what I'm so afraid of- and I don't mean birds.
No more playing it safe and taking the easy way out.

I'm excited for 24. In a totally different way than I've ever felt on a birthday, but excited nonetheless. This could be the start of something interesting.

*****

Now she's 24 and ready to begin
To let her past be past and start to live
She knew there must be more, a purpose to this life
Emotions not created just to die

Sunday, May 27, 2007

bitterness consumes me

Thursday night I was invited to a friend's for a BBQ- and was pretty excited about it. Mentally I was in BBQ-mode. T-shirt and jeans, relaxing with a drink, talking and laughing the night away with good friends.

So when plans changed at last minute I found it hard to alter my mentality from BBQ mode to 'going out' mode. I'm getting old... Anyway- I elect to stay home and crash early. I think God chose to send me a little message that night- be more social!

Shady and another friend went without me- and who did they get to meet and party with? Aerosmith! Imagine my dismay... Two people that couldn't care less get to hang out with them all night long- and me- the number one fan- who has been in love since I first heard Cryin' at the age of 10- stays home and sleeps...

Sometimes you just want to kick yourself...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

caught in a landslide, no escape from reality

Just back from a wonderfully refreshing vacation! I was back in the states for about three weeks- and while that seems like an awful lot when you look at it, I was still heavy-hearted to go home.

I realized just before heading back that I haven't seen Minnesota in the spring since college. And it really is a wondrous sight. Every time I go home I appreciate it more and more. However, I think I would still have my limits. More than a month, and I might so a little crazy- and only that long if I kept myself really busy. Which luckily, I'm pretty good at. I'll put up some pictures on good 'ole facebook shortly, so you can have a taste of my adventures.

Some highlights would be:
- rollerblading (oh how I love thee)
- spending some QT with my one and only little sis- who luckily didn't get grounded from that- just everything else in life. You naughty girl.
- seeing the rest of the fam, mom, dad, grandma & grandpa, etc.
- forcing my brother to hug me 3 times. I think that's a record!
- partying and and hanging out with my girlies (usually dependent on their pregnancy status, it seems I will have a lot of 'nieces' and 'nephews' in the near future)
- watching re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210- the only good thing on the soap network- makes me feel like I'm 10 again!
- Target. It just gives you the warm fuzzies.
- Visiting my old stomping grounds- the Green Mill and Claude O (don't worry Kait- I have evidence).
- The impromptu high school reunion in the Owatonna Bowling Alley. (It's where all the cool kids go)

After two weeks of bliss I made my way down to North Carolina for some good old revelry and mayhem in celebration of the Cronin/Scharf wedding. And my, what a fiesta. Congratulations to Scott and Marianne- and thanks for letting me be a part of the fun. I loved every second of it- couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend.

As an added bonus, I am also now an honorary OSU alum. Self-proclaimed, yes. But I think I've earned it. I mean, how many times did I enthusiastically participate in the Ohio version of 'Hang on Sloopy'? That has to count for something.

I was also particularly pleased with the re-enactment of the stoplight scene from the Notebook. I suggest everyone tries it- but hopefully in a low traffic area. Kidder and MA were great sports for indulging my whims.

I enjoyed the trip so much that I actually came back to work two days late from my 3 week vacation. Star employee, I know. I stayed an extra night with MA's family- I was the guest that wouldn't leave... then spent all day Monday in the Raleigh airport. Gotta love flying subload. I eventually gave up and purchased an incredibly over-priced one way ticket to JFK (still cheaper than getting fired), only to have that flight be delayed beyond use and returned it. Spent the night in a cheap motel- which had one beautiful benefit and gave me a great way to end the day. It was across the street from a Waffle House- so I ordered myself some happiness on a plate, served up scattered, smothered & peppered.

I eventually made it out on Tuesday- got to Dubai on Wednesday- and back to work on Thursday. Which is conveniently the last day of our work week. So I'm hoping the weekend will give me some time to recover.

But I do have a good book to recommend from my hours spent waiting. Anderson Cooper's 'Dispatches from the Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters & Survival'. A great, quick read- and particularly interesting because not only does he give his insight on his experiences covering some of the major recent events- but he includes a more person touch of how each event affected his life and the journey he made over the last year or so. Good stuff.

All in all, while it was a wonderfully delightful diversion, I am now back to the rather unpleasant grindstone. I found myself glaring at the map at we neared Dubai on the flight. I was seriously contemplating finding a good hiding spot and stowing away to whatever destination the aircraft was off to next. I should have paid more attention to that Jodie Foster movie where her kid disappears... But I guess, for now, it's time to face up to reality and get on with my real life. I just hope my vacation buzz fades slower than my tan.