Born to fly?

I’ve always fancied myself as the ‘born to fly’ type. Ever since I was aware that there was a wider world out there, I wanted to discover it, conquer it (figuratively speaking of course). So now, a year and a half, give or take, after graduation, I am living half-way around the world in a new environment with an awesome job that has put me on the career path I want, a wonderful boyfriend, a great circle of friends here and afar, and I am closer to most of my family than I was when I was in Minnesota. Yes, I couldn’t really ask for more.

Or could I? Despite my efforts, my family has never really understood my need to ‘fly’. But I usually chalked that up to ‘different strokes’, as I felt the same about staying put. But lately I find myself struggling with this issue that I was always so clear on. Yes, it sounds good in theory to have a jet-set lifestyle. But what about the drawbacks? Mainly the friends and family that you leave behind each time you move. Yes, you can have a wide network of friends all over the world that you can visit occasionally and keep up with each other over e-mail and blogs… but do you have anyone you can call up at 4 am with a problem and they’ll be over in 10 minutes to work it out with you, ice cream in hand?

The world is getting flatter- so of course it is possible to maintain relationships of any kind over distances. But is it the same? In college, I’ll admit, I usually only made it home a handful of times/year. The reality is that I will probably see my family just as often and likely talk with them more. But it sure doesn’t feel that way.

So what to do? I would suffocate in southern Minnesota. I know that, others might want to think otherwise, and make me feel guilty in an effort to change my mind, but deep down I think they know that too. But I’m beginning to think it’s not really about geography. Why do I have to choose between my responsibilities to those I love and pursuing my own dreams? It’s nice and fuzzy for me to tell myself that I don’t have to choose, that I can have it all. But the truth is you do have to choose. It’s not an all or nothing, by any means, but it’s a choice, and with that come consequences.

“Living life without regret”- something I’ve always hoped for. I’m beginning to think that’s easier said than done. All I can do is the best I can. Make the choices that I believe are the best for everyone concerned. Not be afraid to pursue my own happiness. And take caution that its not at the expense of others.

But when it comes to the end, what’s going to be the part that I look back on and smile? I’m guessing it won’t be the cultural experience I’ve had in Dubai. Or even my job, no matter how much I love it.

Wow, this diatribe has not led me anywhere. What’s a girl to do?

My daddy he is grounded like the oak tree. My mama she is steady as the
sun. You know I love my folks but I keep staring down the road, just
looking for my one chance to run.