Stop playing girl and come on home...
Home from my weekend excursion in Louie-ville. More wonderful every time.
Recieved a few calls from LTM. It is nice to know that your friends are thinking of you when you are not there. I've always wanted to leave a legacy, everywhere. Kait pointed this out to me the other day. Really? I guess when I think about it she is right. I have always been concerned with that. I mean- anyone that knows me knows that I am not a 'blend into the scenery" kind of girl, and no one wants to be the person that people talk about years down the road saying "Remember so-and-so?" "No" "Yeah, remember? He was the one who always smelled like cabbage."
Like I said on Jen's blog, there are worse things I could be remembered for.
When I see people come and go places it makes me nervous how replacable everyone is. Really. When you start to see it happening to yourself it is quite scary- when you realize that you have been successfully replaced- no longer an essential part of the clockwork. Strange- part good, part bad, mostly weird.
But one door closing is another door opening.
It is a good thing really. Change is a wonderful thing. *repeat*
Change- yes. Change is good. Sometimes I wish I could change more. Like the past. Although I never want to live with regret- and usually don't- for long- sometimes it would be nice to be able to delete a couple things. When your past comes back to bite you- a7a!- it hurts!
The beauty of being a nomad is having the ability to change your life on a whim, whenever you want. But you can't change who you are- or erase your past.
This never raised an issue with me before. I loved being flightly, random, and not having to explain myself to anyone but myself. But was that ever who I was?
This weekend I bought the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I had never seen it- but decided that I needed to as many people have compared me before to the most famous of Audrey Hepburn's characters.
It is an entertaining film, and yes, I can identify with her charcter in some ways. Parts of her is someone that I have always wanted to be- parts of her is someone that people percieve me as but I am nowhere near.
Sometimes I get mad when I realize that no one I know really knows me. But it really isn't their fault. I don't even know me. Does anyone really know themself? Or their friends/loved ones?
Well, whatever the answer is. I am sure of one thing. It will sure be fun figuring it out.
Afterall- you can't leave a legacy if you don't know who you are. And the legacy you intend is never really the one you leave. So I think I will quit trying. If people happen to remember me along my/their journey- mabrouk!
... baby girl I didn't mean to shout- want you and me to work it out.
posted by Holly at
10:58 PM
4 Comments:
I smell like cabbage?!?! That explains it all now.
I think that we take the time to explore who were are... I dont think i know myself 100% which is why I experience a lot of things for the very 1st time... I hope that a couple of years down the line I would know myself so well :)
you ARE NOT replaceable.
and you smell like broccoli, not cabbage
A person cannot REALLY know themself because it is impossible to be exposed to all of life's situations that play on character or challenge our limitations - mental and physical. We play the game of life only in daily scenes - some of which are type cast because we chose them, others demand intuitive roles because we happen upon them purely by accident. How can you know what your response will be in every situation? It is easy to say, "yeah, I would do that if it were me", or "No, I would never do such a thing". In every day repetitive existance, you can say with a high degree of accuracy that you know yourself pretty well. However, if you ever find yourself in a crisis situation, you will probably react to challanges that are often entirely out of character - something you would never consider doing under normal circumstances. So, how can you ever know? In sum, it is not the size of boat that makes you seasick, it is the motion on the ocean.
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