The bad girls guide to looking/feeling tough
I know what you are thinking.
How could Holly possibly be giving advice on looking/feeling tough? But its the people who have to work at it who give the best advice. Taking tough tips from a tough person would be like getting diet tips from someone who is inherently scrawny, like Eric.
That said, here goes:
We all know that safety lies in numbers. But in the busy life of a bad girl, sometimes that just isn't practical. When you get off work late, have to walk to your car, then to the gym, then to the library, or stumbling home drunk from the bar (never recommended!!!) you don't always have a buddy. These rules are also applicable when you just don't want to be talked to ;).
The first thing you have to do is put on your bitch-itude face. This might be better described as: I am a woman on a mission and I don't have the time or patience to talk to you. This is your best weapon.
Next, there is a time and a place for distractions. Walking home from the bar for instance, not a good time to talk on the cell phone. I've heard from many a bad girl friend before, "don't worry, I'll call ____ and they will walk me home". Doesn't fly. Be aware of what is going on around you, but fain disinterest. ;)
Now I am sure that all of you have heard of the 'keys between the fingers' trick before. If that is all you have, that is what you work with. But I will give you a little hint on an everyday item that works even better. A wine key. That corkscrew between your first and second finger is something no one wants to mess with. Plus, a bad girl should always have a wine key with them at all times. You never know when there will be cause to celebrate!
One little trick that is sometimes hard for sweet little midwestern girls to learn is that you don't HAVE to be nice to everyone. Some random guy walks up to you at a bar who you are not interested in... you don't have to entertain him. However, one thing that has been amusing is to reply back "you have 30 seconds to impress me". It is often interesting the responses that you get. Its good for entertaining the rest of the group anyway.
I really don't know where this all came from... I was listening to Tragic Kingdom while working out today. Maybe that had something to do with it.
posted by Holly at
12:52 AM
9 Comments:
Some tips I know but have luckily never had to use:
If you are attacked, pretend to faint or have a heart attack-age depending-which will make you slump down towards your attacker's feet...this gives you a great angle to give him a key to the crotch, but make 'em count, this is not a time to be dainty.
If you think someone is following you, don't just increase your speed and ignore it; turn around and pretend you're crazy, confronting whoever is behind you. (This is better with a demonstration) just turn around and scream, "WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? BLEAGHAERED!! WHAT? GET AWAY FROM ME! I LIKE SPIDERS!" or whatever else comes to mind. This does two things: gives you a good look at his face, which is handy when talking to police, and if that alone doesn't make him run off, the thought that you are crazier than he is just might.
kristijoy also has some good tactics. :)
...or getting annoying tips from holly!
haha
grrr ;-)
wearing clip on gold teeth and/or brass knuckles is always a good trick too.
PS: guys like eric use "the club."
If you do go for the family jewels... get it good. cuz otherwise he's going to be angry when he catches back up with you.
poop and fling poo? that'd freak me out if i was attacking somebody.
they make handbags with built in brass knuckles if you're really worried.
ya know, i don't know if i EVER adhered to the "you are from the midwest, so you have to be nice to everyone" stereotype.
holly knows well, that many a man has been AFRAID of me. even if i don't like your potential intentions for my FRIEND, i'm not giving you the benefit of the doubt... much less put up with someone following me/taunting me/looking at me funny/etc...
love you!
I only fight boys when they're disrespectful and disgusting to my girls.
And yes, i would throw punches again in an instant for you, girl.
Howevz~my words from the wise is if you're picking on someone 100 lbs grander than you, make sure there is a bouncer or some sort of "protector" within intervention-distance. You'd be amazed at how much you'll get backed up for throwing a few solid punches square into a 230 pound guy that has a serious respect problem ;P Not only do people find it highly amusing, but they are quite quick to join in the revelry.
I want a purse with built in brass knuckles...
http://handbags.luxist.com/entry/1234000480041003/
there ya go... now you can do the safety dance in style
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